one iteration

SPIDERS and SCIENCE do not mix
Bobby Cox

Cast of characters

Professor FARNSWORTH, a throughly average mad scientist
SKITTERS SLOWLY, his Native American assistant
ANANSI, the King of All Stories
CHAMELEON, Prince of Disguise
YOU, a disciple of Chameleon
YOU TOO, a disciple of Chameleon

ACT I: SCIENCE

“Her slender fingers, hanging on each side
With many joynts, the use of legs supply’d:
A spider’s bag the rest, from which she gives
A thread, and still by constant weaving lives.”
-Myth of Arachne

FARNSWORTH

It is complete.  My Anansi.  My Arachne.  From deep in mythology I have made you real.  That nasty Chameleon tricked you, and then you ran away and hid in all the corners of the world as a spider.  But now is your time to reveal your face to the world.

(Farnsworth walks to a nearby bookshelf and grabs a glowing glass jar and brings it to a high table where a misshapen body lies.  It is attached to a bewildering array of cables, tubes, and widgets.  He then pours the contents of the jar on the creature.)

Come.  It’s time to awaken.

(The creature begins to shiver and stir, and when it does; you can see that it has eight legs.  As it begins to awaken, Farnsworth starts speaking to himself.)

FARNSWORTH

Time to awaken.  Time to awaken.  It’s been too long.  Too long.

(Another person enters.  It is SKITTERS SLOWLY, his assistant.)

SKITTERS SLOWLY

(Hoots.)  She is awakening!  It is time again for Anansi to rise!  That tricky Chameleon.   (To the creature)  Rise!  Do not be afraid to show face!  The King of All Stories should be proud to show his face!

FARNSWORTH

Skit, can you move over to the right a little?  You are blocking the devlo-light.

SKITTERS SLOWLY

Oh, you mean the black light?  Sure.

FARNSWORTH

Come over here, let’s help our dear Anansi to life.

(Skitters Slowly moves to help the Professor.  The body of Anansi continues to tremble and move strangely. Suddenly a voice comes from it.)

ANANSI

I forgive you.

FARNSWORTH

(Stands puzzled.)  For what?

SKITTERS SLOWLY

She’s alive!

ANANSI

For bringing me into this world.  But it won’t save you.

(Anansi flips off of the table and scrabbles into a corner.  She then begins spinning a huge web, while throwing streamlets that entrap Farnsworth and Skitters Slowly.)

FARNSWORTH

Hey!  What are you doing?

SKITTERS SLOWLY

So sticky!  It feels so good.

(Skitters Slowly moves towards Anansi happily, rubbing himself on the web.  In contrast, the Professor is struggling, brows drawn, grunting with the effort.  Anansi starts reeling them both in steadily.)

ANANSI

I am very hungry; it has been far too long since I have eaten.  Your stories shall sustain me.

ACT 2:  ANTI-DENOUEMENT

(In a lonely field near Billings, Montana, CHAMELEON and YOU are speaking.  The wind whistles around them as Chameleon adjusts his cloak.)

CHAMELEON

A disturbance in the force has been detected.  You must go and search for the source.  My sense tells me that it is Ananasi up to his usual tricks.  I was able to defeat him by using his greed against him.  You may be able to.  Godspeed, Luke.  I mean, You.

YOU

Yes Master, I will prevail against the forces of the Sith Lord.  I mean, Trickster.

ACT 3:  SPIDERS

(Outside, in a backyard.  Spider webs encase every available surface in front of you. Makeshift barriers are scattered about the yard, maze-like, providing the perfect scaffold for the groaning weight of the webs.  Shadows move and coalesce.)

YOU

(Grimly, to himself.)  It is you, Anasai.  You are up to your usual tricks again.  Chameleon defeated you eons ago, and you have been hiding in corners ever since, scrabbling towards your doom.

(You moves forward to search for the best way through the strange obstacles.  As he begins to move, he hears running footsteps behind him.)

YOU TOO

Hey, wait for me.  There’s strength in numbers.

YOU

Welcome!  I was afraid I would have to face this alone.

YOU TOO

Never.

YOU

(Gestures toward the webs.)  Guess who’s back.

YOU TOO

(Groans.)  Not her.  After all this time hiding in corners, she decides to reveal herself now?  Why?  It doesn’t make any sense.

YOU

I don’t understand it either.  But we have a job to do.  Defeat her before she encases humanity in a trick, confounding all of our progress in the eons.

YOU TOO

Yes.  What do we need to do?

YOU

Before we face her, we need to gather the right weapon to vanquish her for once and for all.  Remember, Anasasi’s only weak point is her greed.

YOU TOO

Ah, yes… I know what must be done.

YOU

What?

YOU TOO

It is not just one weapon we need, you see.  Eight, to be precise.  One for each of her legs, in which she stores her power. Come, let us gather all of our friends, as many as we can, and gather in this place come Saturday eve.  Together, we will vanquish her.

We’ve come a long way, and we have much fun in front of us!